Read at Your Own Risk

Austin Knight, Staff Writer

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Hello students of CHS.  I come to you with a troubled heart, and this is because of the many conversations I have had lately.  I guess I should label these conversations as arguments, if I am being honest.  The topic of conversation is about how people brush their teeth.  

Let me be clear, there are two correct ways to brush your teeth: putting toothpaste on the toothbrush and then wetting the toothbrush, or wetting the bristles and then adding the toothpaste.  These are correct ways to do it.  Here is what bothers me:  when people wet the bristles first, add toothpaste and then wet the toothbrush again!  OR when people brush without water!

I am aware that there are obviously much larger problems in the world than how to wet a toothbrush, for those of you who are thinking, “Who cares?”, stop reading now.  You may only continue reading if you are willing to put up with an arbitrary argument for the sake of entertainment.

There are things that are inherently wrong in this world.  Racism, sexism, and… well, really most of the -isms.  But the -ism that flies under the radar is brushism which is something worth more of a conversation.  The double-wet method is inherently wrong and the dry method is inherently wrong.  It is wasteful of valuable water that can be used for drinking at a later date or maybe cleaning a wound.  The dry method plainly defeats the purpose of toothpaste altogether.  Water changes the geometry of each molecule of toothpaste so as to do a better job of cleaning and scrubbing, thus proving that water is necessary in the brushing process.

I am sorry that the world has come to what it has.  A world where people brush dry or double-wet their brush.  I pray that we may correct our sins so as to tackle the real injustices in the world, such as people like Georgia Stroud who brushes her teeth with WARM WATER.